#01: A Love Letter to Hair. The beginning of understanding Bondage.

My first language is sight. I wrote this based on memories and my personal recognitions about hair and bondage.

I hope you enjoy these stream of thoughts in dialogue with found images and my own.

I. At the age of 8, I recognized that my hair could transform to a object.

I was in summer camp and the girls in my cabin braided my hair for the first time. I would agressively turn my head left and right to let my braids slap anyone in close proximity to me. Was I trying to hit myself or other people? I don't remember. All I knew my braids could be a whip if I wanted. I could be a whip because it was attatched to me. Does that mean I am weapon and I am a tool to administer pain?

Below is a list of figures where hair is activated as weapons:

-Medusa (snakes as hair/to be repulsed- represents transformation)

-Spy Kids 2 (pig tails become helicopter propellers)

-Inu Yasha (Yura- hair demon/ can cut peoples body- entangles and suffocates enemies/ movement almost similar to tentacles)

-Uzamaki (the scene when the spiral invades the hair of the main character and later attracts unwanted obsession/rivalry with her peers)

-https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zi6YZGrCF88

-The Little Mermaid (By Hans Christian Andersen- the sisters try to help the little Mermaid by going to the sea witch and using their hair to be turned as a knife to kill the prince)

Hair is a very transformative material. It can also be looked at as phallic symbol.

Currently writing about exploring symbolism at a cafe. But let's not get too ahead of myself. I'll come back to this thought...

II. Hair is my first mental experience in bondage.

Ever since I was young I kept my hair long.

I refused to have it trimmed. There came a point my mother forced me to cut my hair. I would desperately save the trimmings. I would cry and hold my hair for dear life because it was my security blanket. I hide behind it like a curtain or a veil. I was bound to the idea of long hair, because it fit so closely to my identity as an Asian woman and feminine beauty standards.

I have short hair now, but for most of my life I believed that hair defined my Erotic Power.

Long hair demanded my restriction and possesed me entirely.

If I were to have a dialouge with my hair with my younger self, it would go like this:

Me: Why do I care about you so much?

Hair: Because I can hold you, protect you, and put you in your place.

Me: And what is that place?

Hair: To posses your identity. I give you the apperance so you can gain affection.

Me: Can I get affection?

Hair: I know how to give it to you. Watch, you will see.

III. My love for bondage appeared in photography.

In 2016 - 2017 I was unconsciously using rope in my personal photographic work. I am and still in love with the material. I love rope because not only is it accessible and available in various forms, it also simply hugs the body, caresses it, and limits mobility. The sensation and obsession with rope is similar to how my long hair made me feel when I was younger: safe, held, and seen.

I once was on a shoot where the hair stylist added extensions to the model's hair that it touched the floor. The hair was then braided, draped, and carefully placed delicately to cover the breast, thighs, neck, and waist. I discovered hair is a very erotic material because it belongs on the body. I believe anything placed on the body can be inherently erotic. Does the conversation between flesh and materiality bring us back to identifying our own desire for touch and intimacy?

Embracing and playing with the rope's potential is something I love to explore with. I always try to give my subs an experience that feels like a dance. I lead, you follow. There are no wrong steps, only feeling.

Below is an Image I shot in 2016. Two friends on the roof. Early summer.

Transformations happen when the inner world becomes our outer world. My photographic work slowly opened me to explore various type of bondage. I don't think I could have entered into BDSM without photography. This medium is where I recognize that my intuition is very strong and I must follow it.

Want to feel my high tempo breathing when I tie you fast? I convey: urgency and immediacy (to possess). How do you respond?

Want to feel the deepness of my breath when I tie you slow? I convey: sensuality and tender connection. Do you fall deeper or resist?

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